We have a Doctor that addresses one of his patients as "Meanness". As in, "Hello, Meanness, how are you today?"
I've said before that the meaner they are, the better I like them. Why I get so much joy out of the nasty things they say, I don't know, but I do.
Case in point: We have a family member that is very obviously going through her mid-life crisis. She's had her eyes "done" and has changed her make up and has dyed her hair. I don't work with her dad much as I usually have the other side of the nursing center, but she's there several times a week, so I know who she is.
The other day, Meanness was chatting with her about something and then looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Is that your real hair?"