A few funnies before I start the "week".

My weeks are four days on, two days off. Tomorrow is my Monday.

***

Mrs. A said to me "I think I'm over that disease now."

Knowing her diagnoses and knowing that nothing she has can be "gotten over", I asked, "What disease is that?"

She looked at me for a moment and said, "That disease where you get the book and read about it." (I assume she's talking about the booklets the doctors sometimes give you.)

***

"Where am I?" Mrs. B asked me.

Thinking she was confused, I said "You're at the Nursing Center."

She laughed. "I know. I just wanted to know if you knew where I was."

***

I lack a sense of where my body is in space. I would have made a terrible gymnast or ballerina. Thank goodness I'm too fat for either one of those professions.

Anyway, I tripped over Mrs. C's wheelchair.

"Ugh," I said, disgusted. "That was a nice trip."

"Kick it again!" Mrs. C said.

Returning to the chair, I asked, "Oh, once for you?" and booted the seat.

No Call No Show

We've had a rash of the old "No Call No Show" lately.

If you can't come to work, even if you aren't planning on coming back EVER, shouldn't you at least call to let us know? This mentality completely escapes me.

I can only think of three valid reasons for a "No Call No Show":

1. You have been stranded by a disaster, natural or otherwise, in an area with no cell phone coverage.
2. You are unconscious and no one in your family or network of friends knows where you are.
3. You are dead and no one in your family or network of friends knows it yet.

If you can think of any other good reasons, let me know. Maybe I'm just not seeing the whole picture or something.

Squeezing Out the Sponge

Currently, the gal that works first shift on my med cart and I have the same schedule. The other day she commented that on her first day, she's anxious and upset but by her fourth day, she's calm and ready to have a couple days off. I, on the other hand, come in calm on day one but by day four I'm frustrated and ready to explode.

I don't know how to classify her, but I am a sponge. After two days off, I'm squeezed out, clean and ready to go. By the fourth day at work, I'm full of dirt, half chewed food and nasty dishwater and unable to take on any more.

I'm not sure if this is good or not. What I need to do is figure out a way to speed up the turn around time, so I can squeeze out every day and come in each afternoon, ready to clean up.

I've tried all the healthy coping strategies and at least one unhealthy one. Nothing seems to work for more than a day or two. Maybe that's the key. Keep switching it up so that you don't become immune to any one treatment.

I don't have the answer, yet. I guess, like all of us, I'm day to day.

I figured it out.

I know why I like the mean, nasty residents.

Because I'm mean and nasty myself.

Prepare yourself before I tell this story because some of you are going to be offended.

Ready?

The other day shortly after I came on shift, my charge nurse came up to me and asked me to give Mrs. A some pain and anxiety medication.

"Wow, she must really be hurting." I said. This isn't unusual for this resident, but it doesn't happen every day.

"Yes and she's having behaviors. She peed on a Nurse Aide and told her she deserved it."

"Well, did she?" (I'm not sure if I'm proud or sad that this was my first question.)

The nurse made that disgusted sound you make when you can't believe what just came out of the other person's mouth.

"Who was it?" I asked.

"Jane Doe."

First I laughed and then I said. "Awesome. She does deserve it. In fact, we should let a few more residents pee on her."

Yup. I said it. The unfortunate truth is that I've gotten several complaints on this Aide. I've had residents request that she NEVER be allowed to work on their hall again. The sad thing is that she keeps being put on the same hall because she does the least damage there. So, the residents are stuck with her until the glorious day when she decides to quit.

So, now you know. And you young Nursing Assistants out there can start quaking in fear now of the day when I become your resident.

Attitude is Everything

The attitude you bring with you determines the outcome of your day. You can't control what happens, but you can control how you react to what happens.

Case in point: When a nurse comes up to me and ask "Did you take care of so and so today?" my first reaction is to cringe and ask what I did wrong. I freely admit that I often go with my first reaction instead of just smiling and saying "Yes." More than half the time, they are trying to pass on a resident or family compliment. Yet, I still think that every question that starts with "Did you...?" is going to end up with a reprimand. I think that we are conditioned to feel that crap rolls downhill and, as CNA's, we're at the bottom of the valley.

Do you think that for one day we could go to work with an open mind, a clear conscience, and a brave heart and see what happens? Could we do it for half a shift? Heck, maybe just the first two hours or the two hours during the shift when we feel we're at our best? And if we could, would it make us want to come in with this attitude all the time instead of the attitude of the already defeated warrior expecting more beatings the farther they travel?

It's worth a try. Sometimes we get the treatment that we act like we deserve even if we truly deserve much better.

Snippet of Conversation

I have a resident who doesn't speak very clearly. Most days I'm grateful when I can figure out what she's asking for once during a shift. However, this came out of her clear as a bell last night as I was trying to straighten up my cart before switching halls.

"And I don't give a shit, neither... Well... I do. Would it help?"

No idea. But it did crack me up.